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Listen.

Fuck outlining.

I know it works for some people. For a lot of people. And that’s cool.

I’ve read the books that tell me I cannot possibly have a career as a successful indie without outlining my novels so that I can bang them out in rapid succession. Because, you know, it’s obviously impossible to do that as a pantser.

But listen.

An outline, a traditional outline with all the plot points and turning points and point-by-points. Girl. They don’t work for me.

I can certainly create an outline. One that totally works and lines up all the motivations and cause and effect and rising and falling action and SOUNDS like a really great story. And then I’ll never write it.

I have to actually roll up my sleeves and get in there and feel the story. That’s how I find out what my characters fear the most, who they’re fighting and what they want to hide, how to hurt them the most and how to make their dreams come true.

Ok, so I don’t go in completely blind. But I don’t need much. A strong voice from at least one of the main characters. A notion of what the biggest plot point will be — the back cover blurb version of the plot. I know who I’m working with, what they’re up against in the big picture, and the sort of wide arc of the story.

That’s the only way I’ve ever come close to finishing a full draft — during NaNo, for example. When it’s too fleshed out, I can’t follow it. And if the goal is to, you know, write a whole book, finish a draft so that you can publish it and start over again, surely the “right” way to do it is whatever way works for you.

So that’s what I’m going with.

I’m giving myself permission to fuck off with outlines and just write in whatever way works for me. And the permissions to now actually KNOW exactly what that way is, to figure it all out as I go along, and wait until I finish and publish my first novel to really say for sure which way has worked for me.

This outline is eating my soul.

I really thought that it would be super easy to write my first real outline using all the amazing templates from amazing people that I found online. Instead of, you know, a soul-sucking experience that makes me want to eat all the Girl Scout cookies that are currently sitting in my house.

This is the first time I’ve committed to making this into a real novel, and putting in the work to make it viable and start out with strong plans from the beginning. And it’s fucking hard, ya’ll.

I have half-scrapped and started over this outline a solid three times, maybe three and a half, in this last week. I keep getting parts of it that I like, but parts that I can tell are not working because they’re just not exciting me. I switched to writing by hand to get the muse flowing better, and now this afternoon I went back to typing, to try to organize all the tragic scribbles that my notebook had become.

And I think I’m making progress. I have a better sense of who each of these characters are. What they want. What they have to overcome. What drives them. And I’m focusing on working with action-reaction. What happens, and then what does that cause to happen based on the flaws and motivations of these characters, and then how do the characters react to that, and based on THAT reaction, THEN what happens…

It’s slow going.

I really wanted to be drafting by now.

But I’m reminding myself that this is part of the process. That this is my first time, and I’m learning all this as I go. And rushing it is pointless. Just have to keep showing up every day and doing the work, cause it’s the only way to learn it better and get faster as I go.

I have been trying to outline A NOVEL since Jan 1, 2020. I have the scraps of like 5 scenes in a different novel than I started with a month later.

It’s all a process, dude. But I’m sticking with it. I’m not going to give up again just because I’m not expert status right away. I’m going to lean into this and enjoy the process of learning how to do it and learning what my process is. I’m gonna go ahead and embrace that shit, because the other way hasn’t worked so far, so…

The other day my dad said something that really got me thinking. It was something like, “pretty much every vampire story has already been done, you’re going to have to be really creative if you want to write vampire books.”

Which is true. Every story has already been written.

But, not by me.

There are no original plots. EVERYTHING has been done.

That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t still write mine.

It’s advice I think most of us have probably heard at some point, but it bears repeating:

Write your story anyway. There are hundreds of other vampire stories, or faery stories, or werewolves, or romances, or epic fantasy quest novels. But none of those is your story, written in your voice, with your unique perspective and values.

Write your story.

Always just write your story.

Don’t let all the great stories that are already out there scare you away — let them inspire you! Look at how much great stuff people are making! I’m going to go make great stuff too!

So let my unexpected truth bomb be your truth bomb, too. Go forth and make things!

**thanks, Dad!

 

 

Instead of getting overwhelmed by the bigness of the thing you want to do, just take the next small step.

Creative folk, those of us with big dreams and big plans for ourselves, its easy to get so excited by your idea that you want to rush out and change the whole world right now. And then instantly get discouraged and overwhelmed by how big that is, how far it is from where you currently are, that your momentum flags and dies. At least, if you’re me that’s what happens.

So instead of thinking about “I want to run my own creative business,” think about sending one email or crafting one blog post or art piece. Instead of thinking, “I want to be a self-published author,” think, “I’m going to write the next 500 words of this novel.”

Start small. One little thing after another little thing. Until one day you’re where you dreamed of being and you don’t even remember getting there.

I’m having a day. Not a bad day, but a day at loose ends, and day in which I feel all over the place. Unhappy in what I’m doing but not sure what I should be doing. I want to do something different now; I want to pour it all into my writing; I want to do something different for work while I build this writing career that feels like a dream.

It’s hard to know what’s best — the smart thing or the fuck it who cares it’s what I want to do no matter what thing.

It’s days like this when my belief that the universe has my back, and that the reality that I dream of already exists, feels foggier. It’s hard not to get discouraged on days like this. To just feel overwhelmed, not know where to start, and despair of ever getting anywhere from not starting anything.

But then I think of what I might have done if I’d just plodded along doing something every day for the last ten years up to now, and it makes me feel better about just plodding along now, doing what I know feels right, every day, even if it feels like nothing.

 

I really wanted to participate in CampNaNoWriMo this April. Mostly on principle, since the last few rounds of NaNos I have whiffed it, and I miss the camaraderie and spirit of it, and the writing habit. Above all, I’ve been missing the writing habit.

I didn’t have a project yet, really, although over the first couple of months of 2019 I’ve been working on an outline for my vampire novel. An outline I was really liking, too. I felt like I was finally solving some plot points that had always bothered me, figuring out some character motivations. And even though, three days before Camp NaNo started, I decided to scrap most of that outline and start the novel in a completely different way that had come to me in a sudden flash of inspiration, the point is that I started, and I was excited about it.

But I decided right from the get go, as I was filling out my Camp profile and project, that I was going to use the flexibility of the Camp NaNo session to set a goal that was ridiculously small. One that didn’t’ even feel worth it, it was so small.

My goal for April Camp NaNo 2019 is 500 words per day. Or, 15,000 words in total. 

That feels so small, dude.

As someone who is a perpetual A-student and teacher’s pet, it goes against my nature to not set a goal at “perfection”. NaNo is technically 50,000 words, therefore even though it’s Camp and you can set whatever goal you want I should be aiming for 50K because that’s the “right” way to do it.

Nevermind the fact that I have a full and busy life and writing 1,667 words per day is fucking hard around everything else that wants a piece of my time. I’m the perfect student and I’ll just have to find a way to hit the perfect goal. I’m sure I can get up two hours early every day without fail to accomplish ALL THE THINGS.

Dude. When will I learn that life doesn’t work that way?

Well, I’m trying to learn it now. Because I’m trying a new tactic — setting a goal that feels stupidly small, one that feels ridiculously easy to accomplish, too easy, pointless. So that when my life happens and my energy flags and chores crop up uninvited, I have the space to still hit that ridiculously small goal and get that hit of pride that hey, I did the thing I said I would do. I’m annoyed and stressed out over other annoying bullshit in my life today, but hey, I hit my writing goal. GO ME!

And that little hit of confidence will keep me going day after day. And it’s that consistency that will make things happen, not dreaming of big giant goals that you can’t hit and that drag you down with discouragement and depression.

Currently Reading: King’s Dragon by Kate Elliott; The Upside of Your Darkside by Todd Kashdan and Robert Biswas-Diener

Currently Watching: Season 7 of Star Trek Voyager; Forensic Files; The Gil Mayo Mysteries

Currently Writing: unnamed vampire novel, first draft

Books are probably my favorite things ever.

My name is Kate, Katie to my friends, and I’m a writer. I write fantasy, made-up history, and smut, for the most part. I’m a glutton for the BBC and desserts and prone to spontaneous fits of geekery.

This is where I talk about my writing life; my own personal adventure, my epic quest to make a magically successful career out of the words I write and the stories that live in my head.

I’ve committed myself to myself, finally. Ever since I was a little girl, writing stories was all I really wanted to do. But, as happens, I let fears dressed as “being realistic” stop me from pursuing this dream for far too long. So here I am, telling that little girl that the dream IS worthy of pursuit, and that there is magic at her fingertips if she would only close her eyes and breathe.

If you’re a writer too, welcome. If you’re a reader, an adventure lover, a seeker of truth and beauty, come and raise a cup. I don’t have all the answers, I’m an apprentice here just beginning my journey to the top of the mountain. But we can learn together, laugh over mistakes (hopefully), and embrace the process.

The writing life is more like an epic quest than any other profession I can think of and I’m ready to dive in, my bag of needments in hand.

To all of you along your own adventures, happy writing!